I Hate You
by askancefairytaleincalignosity
Summary: i'm generally a nice, sweet, caring individual. However there is one THING i can't tolerate- Sirius Black.
1. Ah, The Joy Of Lover's Spats

"Potter why don't you go drowns yourself!"

Yes that would be my best friends yelling at one another. Potter's real name is actually James Harry Potter, but the yell-ee only knows him by one name- Potter. Although, she does enjoy calling him other things that are far too derogatory to mention in simple conversation.

"Now Evans, no need to be a mean little prude!"

"Arrgh! You are infuriating!"

"Lily flower…"

And here we go again. I can not tell you how many times I've heard the "Lily flower Lecture." I swear she has cue cards made or something. Lily says the same, exact thing every time; I can recite it, "Potter! How many times…"

"…have I told you to refrain from referring to me as Lily flower?"

Damn I'm good. By the way, "lily flower's" real name is Lillian Marie Evans. But never, never call Lils Lillian. The last time someone did they ended up in the hospital wing for an overnight stay.

"Can I call you Lily dear instead?"

"No!"

"How about Lily pad?"

"Potter!"

"Oh I know! Tiger lily!"

"I swear…"

"No to tiger lily then? How about sugar muffin?"

"Errgh! No!"

"Honey cakes?"

"Potter! Shut it!"

I swear they have this fight at least once a month. Believe me Lily and James fighting is nothing new. They've been feuding since they laid eyes upon one another way back at our first year welcoming feast. James asked Lily, or Red as he referred to her as, to pass the tomato sauce. He then proceeded to laugh and comment about how it matched her hair. Lily being true to her redhead temper proceeded to smile sweetly to James and then spit into the bowl as she handed it to him.

Oh look Lily is beating James with a potions book.

What can I say? My friends are weird. But the funniest thing about James and Lily is not that they fight like an old married couple. No, it would have to be that they are the co-heads of Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry. Yes James and Lily are the leaders of the school who are supposed to punish students for fighting, discourage discourse and promote peace and harmony between all houses. Ironic, eh?

"Potter! You are a prat!"

"I am not!"

"Jessie! Tell him he is a prat!"

I hate it when they drag me into their fights. By the way, my name is Jessie Spring. I've known Lily since first year when she slapped Sirius Black across the face after he strutted into the girl's bathroom. But more about that thing, Sirius Black, later. Anyways, James I've known for what seems like forever. Jimmy-poo and I used to have to go to these stupid pureblood conventions when we were younger because our parents liked having the opportunity to see old friends from school. And of course they couldn't get a babysitter because they were under the impression Jimmy and I could entertain one another. It was also at these idiotic conventions that I met Sirius Black. Gag me. We were like two and the first thing he did was look up my skirt. I abhor Black. Which is quite odd seeing as James and Black are practically attached at the hip. I do wonder about them sometimes… not really. You see James is madly in love with lily and Black has established himself as Hogwarts main playboy. I do believe he is the reason boys can not go up the girl's staircase. He is also the reason you don't enter "The marauder's lair" if there is a tie on the handle of the door. He disgusts me.

Now before you go and get the wrong idea, Black and I are not like Lily and James. Not at all. Let me explain something to you. Black and do not have the same "relationship" as James and Lily do. James loves Lily- Black does not love me. Lily 'hates" James because she finds him arrogant and immature, which he is- I loathe Black, he is a narcissistic jerk who enjoys torturing me.

"Fuck you Potter!"

Brilliant James, simply brilliant. And I have told him repeatedly not to turn Lily's hair green.

"Anytime Evans."

"Eww! I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole!"

"Aww, Lily pad just admit it you love me."

"No Jamie you're quite mistaken, I loathe you!"

Now she's done it. You would think after nearly seven years they would stop being as juvenile as this.

"How dare you call me that!"

"You turned my hair green!"

Seriously, how old are we again? Eleven? The one thing James abhors above all else is being called Jamie. Not even his mum is allowed to call him that.

"You called me a prat!"

"I simply stated the truth Jamie!"

"Damn it Evans!"

"What Jamie?"

"Stop calling me that!"

"What's wrong with calling you Jamie?'

"It's a girl's name!"

"Perfect for you then!"

"Shove it Lillian!"

Strike three for Potter. He ought to run.

"You are so dead!"

Ow. That hurt. I had no clue Lily could tackle like that. Oooh… I think I'm going to go take a shower now, before Lily gets up there and uses all the hot water because she touched James.


	2. Of Evil Bitches and Angry Witches

**Note: A little ways into the chapter it will change from Jessie's POV to Lily's…thought you might want to know… **

**Chapter Two**

**Of Evil Bitches and Angry Witches**

I am brilliant. I am also nice and clean and relaxing on my nice, comfortable bed after a nice, long hot shower, as I wait for my best friend to finish scrubbing off the top layers of her skin because she touched James. Apparently it is my fault she _"has been forced inflict pain upon herself for the sake of her" _because it's my job to keep her from doing _"idiotic things that threaten her health." _Weird girl. She claims the _"pain she must now endure" _is all _"for the good of humanity" _though; as James is now sporting pink hair, polka-dotted skin, and has a lovely frilly dress on. He's in the hospital wing right now as well. Apparently Lily's right hook can smash bone.

"I'm out of the bathroom, you can use it now Jordan."

Oh yes. Have I mentioned Jordan Sparks? She and Mary Macdonald reside in our lovely dormitory. Mary is the nicest person I have ever met and usually hangs out with Lils and me… speaking of which… where is she? Humm… Anyways Sparks on the other hand I dislike greatly. She is (for lack of a better term…) a bitch and she's Black's personal plaything. It's revolting and so, so wrong.

"Omg Evans you took, like seriously, forever!"

"Oh sorry Jordan."

"I mean I have to make sure I look pretty for Siri!"

I think I just barfed in my mouth.

**Lily's mind**

"Oh poor baby."

Oh my, Jordan did it again, she mentioned Black's name in front of Jess. Extremely bad idea on Jordan's part. Jessie can not stand to hear or see anything that pertains to Sirius. She gets rather …well…pissed.

"Did I ask for your opinion spring?"

Did Jess just growl? Yes, I believe she actually did. Jordan and Jessie don not get along what so ever. It's not that Jordan is actually that awful of a person, she and Jess just differ on one major important issue… Sirius Black. Jordan has had an on again off gain relationship with Sirius since second year. Jessie on the other hand abhors Sirius. From the tidbits I have compiled together over the years they have been at one another's throats (both figuratively and literally. Potter told me a lovely story about the two of them which consisted of Jess holding a machete up to Black's throat.) since they met.

"Must you act like a bitch Spring?"

"To you? Yes."

"You're just jealous because Siri likes me better."

Oww. That hurt. I think Jess needs anger management

"Never, ever, ever imply or say that I like Sirius Black. He is an asshole and a jerk. When he dies I will dance on his grave."

"You have serious issues Spring. Now excuse me while I go get pretty for Siri."

Jess is really good at eye rolling. You know as head girl I really should break up their fights. But I can't bring myself to do it. It's one of those things you just let be because giving them lines or a weeks worth of detentions will never change it. It is one of those things you just have to let run its course.

"I loathe that whore."

"Yes Jess I know."

Oh great Jordan is back and jess is giving her a death glare… or is that just plain disgust? Jordan's outfit is a tad promiscuous.

"Jealous spring?"

Really Jordan, we've only shared a dormitory for how long? She should know that Jess clearly is not jealous.

"I mean I know you want to be me and all but seriously do you realize how ugly you look when you glare?"

"Fuck off Sparks"

"Bitch"

"Whore"

"Manly"

"Slut"

"Ugly"

"Insufferable"

"What does that mean?"

"Wow you're stupider than I thought."

"I am so not stupid. You are stupid. "

"Right, you're a regular Einstein."

"Whatever Spring. I'm off to play with siri"

"You do that. Have fun."

"Oh I will. Especially since the memory of your jealousy will be fresh in my memory."

"Whatever Sparks. Tell Black I hate him."

"Don't be bitter because I have what you want."

"Sparks aren't you supposed to be gagging Black with your tongue right now instead of acting like a gnat?"

"Toodles bitch.'

Thank merlin she's gone. I really dislike the idea of my best friend being in Azkaban.

"I loathe that girl."

**Jessie's mind**

Damn her! How dare she say I love that thing! I would rather die than kiss Black! Is she high? Actually, she probably is.

"That is like the 5000 time you have said that Jess.''

I swear one of these days I am going to kill Sparks.

"Lovely"

Oh, did I say that out loud?

"Who is Jessie killing?"

Hey it's Mary!

"Two guesses."

"Black?"

"No"

"Oh… Sparks."

Ding ding we have a winner. My friends are just so smart.

"Jess you need anger management.'

"I was thinking that earlier."

Prats.

**Dialogue** (sorry I keep switching POV. I can't figure how to get my point across)

"Jess, I passed James on the way up."

"He's out of the hospital wing already?"

"He was in the hospital wing?"

"Lily killed him."

"Hey he deserved it!"

"Right… he says you have quidditch practice like… now.'

"What?!"

"He said something about the pitch being open and how you need to beat Hufflepuff. He looked a bit crazy."

"bloody wanker! He's a slave driver!"

"So lily why did you break James' jaw?"

**Jessie's mind once again**

Stupid captain! I could understand this kind of psychoness the day before the game, but not now! The bloody game isn't for two weeks and Hufflepuff has one returning player- a 4th year! James is insane!

Brilliant I can't find my bat.

"It's in your trunk."

Stupid Lily. Why is she always right?

"Well Potter decided to change my hair to a brilliant shade of emerald green and to top it all off her addressed me by using the 'L' word."

Sweet merlin. The 'L' word my ass, it's pathetic! She can't even say Lillian. Bloody hell, where are my gloves.

"Your gloves are on your bedside table… on top of the charms textbook… yes there you go."

Thank you mother Lillian.

"Get your ass on the pitch before James kills you."

And everyone thinks Mary's the sweet one. I beg to differ

"Jessie!"

Ah, Jimmy-poo is calling.

"Yes Jimmy-poo?"

"Get down here now!"

"Coming mum!"

Sometimes I hate him as well.

**F.Y.I.- this story is also known as My Brain and Black on . and i am pensiveprincess so thsi isn't just a random person copying someone else's work...**

**disclaimer- i wish i was as rich as J.K.R. :)**

**did i forget anything?... oh, review please!! i welcome constructive criticism!!**


End file.
